Realizations

I took the day off today, it’s been ages since I last had a full day off so I thought I deserved it. 🙂

I’ve been watching TV for most of the day, and I haven’t been beating myself up about it!  How superb.  I went for a fantastic workout last night, I’m going to go do a lazy workout today, and I’ve spent the morning walking around in a loose t and boxer briefs. I feel confident, not ugly, and well rested instead of lazy.

I’m not sure what the heck happened to my chronic feelings of worthlessness, but somethings shifting. It’s not that losing weight makes me feel better, because I used to be skinny and hate myself. I used to work like crazy and feel lazy, I used to feel like crap no matter what.

I think it’s the fact that I feel like I’m taking control of my life, that’s what’s making me feel good. I can’t pinpoint why I feel that way, and why I didn’t do it years ago – but I’m deciding to be happy with myself and my choices.  I’m deciding to be conscious that every day I don’t workout and I don’t meditate – that’s a choice.  If I want to I can make that choice but I can’t pretend it’s not a choice. I can’t pretend I’m not choosing my life. I need to take control of it or continue to let it dwindle, but in any situation I need to be aware that I made the choice. 

We each have the power to control our lives – don’t believe the excuses.  No one is a victim here, and I’m choosing to be happy (for today at least).

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