Very briefly, because I want to stop focusing on the boys in my life and instead define myself by me, the update.
Went on a date with S. It was lovely, we were both really shy, we waved goodbye. He’s now gone for a week and a half on a kayaking trip.
Broke things off, officially, with D. This broke my heart again, but it needed to be done. This feels more significant, but I’m trying not to dwell. At least I have a week and a half to grieve again, I think I’ll need it.
But the real update is that I started up meditation classes again! I’m super excited to be focusing on healing myself again. Over the summer I really try, but having weekly classes makes such a huge difference. Our class last night focused on looking at a moment of spiritual seniority, and also a moment when we lost that. Looking at what triggered me to lose my space, and why, and then releasing any limitations there. The moment I focused on was going to a party and getting a little crazy, and I only did that because I still somehow believe that my validation is based on what others think of me. The new version of me that I’m working on knows that I am valid no matter what! I don’t even have to show up to be loved. I can love myself! And others will love me for who I am.
My focus for this week is going to be letting go of the ties with D. Trying to define myself by how I want to be, not by D or by this old way of being where I need to prove myself. Feeling whole, valid and worthy! Yes.