It’s been awhile – I do too much social media!

GAH! I can’t keep myself focused on one… I do too many!  So I’m going to post a link up in case you also have too many formats in which you socialize or externally think.🙂

Blog = here!
instagram = jeaniniebeanie
tumblr = jel-gettingfit
fitocracy = Jeaninie (just started)
facebook = Jeaninie (friends only – down to 150!)
twitter = Jeaninie
LinkedIn = Jeanine
Pinterest = jeaniniebeanie

Join me if you already use some of these alternative ways of communicating, but honestly don’t join anything new.  Having too much social media can waste away your days!

My update – I’ve been working out lots, loving it! Trying to eat healthy, I’ve cut waaaaaay down on carbs (which isn’t to say I think you need a low carb or no carb diet to be healthy, just that I was eating bread for lunch and pasta for dinner and I wanted to get more variety and vegetables going on).  I’ve been meditating most days, although I’m really wanting to meditate every day.

I’ll try to get on updating more often again – this is where I post updates on my journey in the big picture sense.  Each other site is a distraction or a single focus website.  I want to stay focused on the big picture, the balance that is forever my goal.🙂

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Realizations

I took the day off today, it’s been ages since I last had a full day off so I thought I deserved it.🙂

I’ve been watching TV for most of the day, and I haven’t been beating myself up about it!  How superb.  I went for a fantastic workout last night, I’m going to go do a lazy workout today, and I’ve spent the morning walking around in a loose t and boxer briefs. I feel confident, not ugly, and well rested instead of lazy.

I’m not sure what the heck happened to my chronic feelings of worthlessness, but somethings shifting. It’s not that losing weight makes me feel better, because I used to be skinny and hate myself. I used to work like crazy and feel lazy, I used to feel like crap no matter what.

I think it’s the fact that I feel like I’m taking control of my life, that’s what’s making me feel good. I can’t pinpoint why I feel that way, and why I didn’t do it years ago – but I’m deciding to be happy with myself and my choices.  I’m deciding to be conscious that every day I don’t workout and I don’t meditate – that’s a choice.  If I want to I can make that choice but I can’t pretend it’s not a choice. I can’t pretend I’m not choosing my life. I need to take control of it or continue to let it dwindle, but in any situation I need to be aware that I made the choice. 

We each have the power to control our lives – don’t believe the excuses.  No one is a victim here, and I’m choosing to be happy (for today at least).

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Havingness

It seems like I have a limited ability to have the things I want in my life.

I finally got my laptop in order this fall. I spent $150 to replace the hard drive and get an external hard drive for backups. I feel like I’m finally in a place of ease with it.

Of course, though, now that I didn’t have any problems with my laptop, had a new phone, a steady meditation practice, a happy relationship and an easy workplace, my kayak got stolen. It’s like there’s some limit, some ceiling on my ability to just have the things that I want to all work at once.

I’ve become somewhat neutral about my kayak. Not that I don’t miss her, I do almost daily look to where she normally rests and miss her, but in all honesty this time of year I don’t normally use her much, and I’m still hoping she’ll return, hopefully by summer.

I started working out, and am feeling healthy and happy in a way I haven’t in a while. Appreciating my body just gives me so much self-confidence, and brings me back on track with my meditation, which in turn makes work seem easy and my relationship that much more loving.  I don’t get as caught up in the stories, the worry – I’m just trying to be real with the situation and look at things in a positive light. Imagine the best, not the worst, because your thoughts are important.

Of course – I just dropped my iPhone in the water. Once again I’m testing the resilience of my happiness, and the independence from things or people bringing me happiness.  I think I also have an inherent limit on my havingness though – if I have everything going my way I feel guilty and unworthy on an unconscious level, and create a problem unconsciously so that I can go back to being worried and stop thinking “I’m better then everyone else, above problems”.  I think this inherent guilt complex comes from being raised by a single mother – not that she does “guilt” so much anymore, but she did back then.  The victim identity is also familiar, and I think it can run rampant among young single mothers – I feel comfortable identifying that way, or have in the past, and I really don’t want to or need to anymore.

It’s ok to be 100% healthy and happy. It’s ok to have literally everything I want.  I don’t need to save and worry about “the other shoe dropping” or that next unexpected expense – it’s ok to live a life where things last and I don’t need to replace or fix them for years. YEARS! 

I think that if I really believed everything in that last paragraph, my life would be drastically different. Obviously I didn’t consciously drop my phone in the water, but I really do think everything that happens we’ve created, directly or indirectly – because we wanted it or because we needed a lesson from it, perhaps because we’re programmed to have life play out a certain way.  We can change the program though, change how things will play out before they happen. If I learn to be ok with having things just work – if I let go of the need to be guilty if everythings ok – the need to have problems to feel normal – the need to be a victim, then maybe my things will stop getting stolen, dropped, broken, water damaged, and lost. Maybe they’ll just work!

That’s my mumblings for tonight. I’ve left the phone in rice, going to leave it there for two days. Practice living without being constantly connected. Hopefully it turns back on in two days time. If it does, I can get the food processor I’ve been wanting for some time. If it doesn’t, I can replace my phone.  Life will go on – I will continue to be happy, and I’ll work on my issues so they don’t become manifest.🙂

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Still On Track

Hey!

Quick update – diet and workout plan are still on, but I’m still having trouble with the 6am wake up & holding onto that precious meditation spot I created!

2/4 is half-way there, now let’s see if I can get the other two going on! They tend to go hand and hand, and with the help of a new motivating alarm (I got-a feeling – I know, it’s cheesy, but hopefully it does the trick) perhaps I can knock all 4 out of the park.

Bug me in the morning to make sure it worked!!🙂

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New Year, New You

This is my second attempt at a new me.  The first obviously started when I started this blog – I wanted to change my habits and my life, and to some degree I have.  I’m wanting to change more though, and I’m going to consider this new year a second chance at a new start.

My meditation space has been growing all fall.  Unfortunately, I’ve had a break from classes and it seems like it’s also affected my home meditation space, but I’m hoping to hop back on the horse, as of this morning.  Before the break I had gotten to a space where I was meditating almost every day, and often for 20 minutes.  This sounds like nothing to me, and I’m almost embarrassed to admit that’s all, but at the same time it feels like a huge achievement.  I’ve been wanting this for years, and never let myself have it before.  I’ve been waking up at 6am to do my meditation first thing, and I’m hoping to continue doing that.

I’m also wanting to focus on a healthier lifestyle.  I’ve started counting my calories, something I never thought I’d do (I’m using myfitnesspal.com, and it’s fantastic if you want something like it).  I’m going to bring more awareness to my eating habits, and I’m trying to cut out gluten, cut down on carbs, and eat more meats and veggies.  Yes, you heard right, meat.  I’m eating meat again, although the only meat that is going to enter my kitchen came from an animal that didn’t live in a cage or a crate – it had an enriched environment (and I’ll pick one from an outdoor environment if available).  It will have no hormones or antibiotics.  If you want to know why I eat this way, please watch Food Inc.

I’ve started working out, as well. Not a lot, not to intensely, but consistently.  I’m hoping to make a real change to my lifestyle, this isn’t going to be some fad where I go to the gym religiously for 2 weeks then never again.  I got a tablet for Christmas  and I’ve set myself up so that my TV watching time is also my cardio workout – genius!  If I want to watch TV, I work out – otherwise I can read, clean, or do something else productive with my life.

I’ll keep you updated on this next phase, this next chapter.  This is me going back to the focus of this blog – balance – it feels good.

What’s your New Year’s Resolution?

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Priscilla Avocet

Hello!

I figure most people who see my blog also probably have me on facebook or twitter, but in case, just in that small case that someone reading this hasn’t seen my posts elsewhere, and happens to spot her – I want to introduce you to Priscilla Avocet.

Priscilla

As you can see from the text on the image, she’s missing.  Please share around this photo if you feel comfortable doing so – she’s very unique and I want to make sure if someone tries to paddle her or sell her someone calls the police.

Thank you for reading!

For more photos, feel free to peruse this link.

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Privacy on the open web

I haven’t posted in quite some time.

A friend (who is no longer a close associate of mine) used this blog and these words as a way to hurt D. I made my blog private in the hope that it would eliminate further hurt. I have now, however, decided to re-open it. I feel like enough time has passed.

I’m still learning about privacy on the open web, and how to deal with the end of a relationship in the era of social media. I haven’t figure it out yet, let me know if you have any tips.🙂

For now, that’s all I’m going to say. I am in the process of fixing my laptop (still – it’s been through a few band-aid fixes but now it’s getting a new hard drive) and hopefully by the end of this weekend I’ll be back in the swing of things. I’ve been continuing to work on building my home meditation space, and currently my morning routine includes a 10-15 minute meditation. I’m glad it’s in my routine, but I’d like it to be longer!!

I’m glad to be back on my blog. I’ll figure out what I want to say and what I’m willing to share soon.

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